Summerfest Fails to Book The November Criminals; Paris Hilton Headlines June 28

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Remember when we drove to Superior for a show?
Pepperidge Farms remembers.

Whoa it’s been a long winter and it is still going!
To recap what has happened since last August… which is apparently the last time any of us checked in on the weblog…. we played a few shows, you may have seen us at Dead Man’s Carnival in March . Or at Shakespeare Raw in February at Best Place! It’s true we’ve been here and there and under the radar BUT the Criminals are always a booking away from playing your favorite spot! Recommend us to your favorite club or promoter and keep the Criminality in Music.

So in other news Summerfest, the World’s Largest Music Festival has booked Paris Hilton to DJ on the grounds as a headlining act. The announcement is not without its blowjob ERR BLOWBACK I meant blowback….
A petition to remove her from the lineup is making headlines of its own and the movement appears to be swelling. Sheesh, its hard ERR DIFFICULT to write about this without unnecessary innuendo. So the main argument against her is that she is not a professional DJ and has not paid any dues to receive her spot on the lineup.
Now to be fair I’ve been around the EDM scene for a few years now… as a security guard, a bartender, and an outsider. I stress that because at no time have I declared any fandom for the overarching genre of Electronic Dance Music. “Why?” you might ask “Aren’t you in a Polka Hip Hop band? You use beats on a laptop at shows I’ve seen you!”
First of all, Thanks for coming to our shows. And if you haven’t it’s likely because you are an EDM person and you don’t really like Hip Hop. You don’t like people talking over the music while you trip and stare at lights. You aren’t really interested in what a Hip Hop MC has to say unless it’s about Swag and drugs and the kind of hedonism you only wish you could live out if only you were wealthy like…. Paris Hilton.
BUT ISN’T PARIS A MAN’S NAME?
Yes it is but this is 2015 and you can name your kids whatever. You buy them a car so they can drive to the city and dress themselves in bikinis and bondage gear, covered in plastic beads that stress the value of PLUR as they take MDMA for the first time they got from a guy they met once or twice before at another show, but he seems to know an awful lot about spirituality and he has a flat brimmed baseball cap (what’s baseball?) and cool shirt that looks expensive because of all the colors.
The point is Paris Hilton is the perfect expression of EDM whether you like it or not. She’s privileged, scantily dressed, she has a viral porn video, and all she needed was enough money to buy some equipment the number to some people to do lights…..and let’s be real she already bought that shit ten times over if it wasn’t being given to her for free because of her brand. YES BRAND. That’s what’s on these posters and the pins and the hats. We do it too! We all get sucked into it one way or another. RELAX. You already know you are going to some other festival where you will sit on a lawn chair tripping.
Oh and I’m not all excited about her “performance” and I know plenty of really awesome DJs that we’ve played with. But I’m not going to pretend this isn’t a perfect expression of what EDM ultimately is and all the attempts to portray it as something other than the renewal of the disco scene, a scene that thrived on excess and cocaine and not much else, is delusional…. you might be tripping on something.