Pfully Pvaccinated!

I look at facebook memories a lot lately. Maybe this has been how I cope with the pandemic, over-throwing myself into social media, during this pandemic. No shows to do and losing my primary part-time job and wondering if that was even the path to begin with. Then wondering if path is even the right way to look at life anymore.

We had a bounce back show planned but that went away. We’re looking at dates for the Polka Riot and trying at the same time to coordinate a long neglected band practice. For a variety of reason we aren’t a band that adapted to the Zoom room and chatty hangs. We checked in on each other. But over the years we have come to grips with the fact is we are a festival band.

I also wonder how I will react to being a crowd. Everything seems to be presented to us is meant to divide us these days. How many people have you blocked on social media? I have begun mastering the pre-emptive block. I read the comments of area news papers social media accounts to figure out who I don’t want to see pictures of my cat.

Shortly after the bitcoin thing and maybe after the capital riot I started to grow disinterested in everything. I don’t think either of these things were particularly triggering it’s just that life around then seemed to be filled with collapsed hubris. It could be harsh self judgement but I also was seeing so much hubris in others that could not be checked. And then I asked myself was I projecting and the whole thing spiraled out of control.

I have/have not thrown away boxes of business cards. A weird and necessary ritual for a habitual hoarder. But also a seemingly uniquely American experience (even if it’s not) taking risk in yourself when there is absolutely no safety net. Aspiring creatives (what an awkward and awful term) burning out on the shrinking reality of youth culture. Not being excessive the way that is sexy but just being excessive. Maybe weight gain in the best way I can summarize it: I didn’t plan on this but I should have been watching out.